44 x 24 x 22 in
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:15-20 NIV Translation
This Bible verse always struck me and today, I feel that it is a good representation of the crisis of Art, ceramics, and all media. A confusing whirlwind of contradictions and sins and sinful desires and hypocrisy and a desire to do what is right and failing, then succeeding, then failing again.
I know ceramics, but I also like to dabble. I want to explore new media that I think could be great for my work. Do I make shitty beginner paintings? I have an obsession with wanting to make some quilts, but will I disrespect the history of fiber with a shallow, minor investigation? Am I going to be that guy or is that how it will come across? I don’t want to make lazy or unintellectual work. I want a level of criticality, to truly understand what I am making and how it will be received in a theoretical manner and historical context. But I also don’t want to be encumbered with the baggage of the past several thousand years of art history, crucified for the sins of the thousands of artists before me. Worrying about the thousands of artists that will come after me. Having to consider the meaning of every little decision I make and losing the freedom of experimentation. But I can’t permit myself to do that which I expect others not to do. But I also can’t deny others that which I would like for myself. We are artists.